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Nucleus Help
You're all as thick as pigshit.
Is pigshit thick then? I suppose it must be: pigs consume a vast quantity of roughage day on day I should imagine.
By now, you must know the score. Last time I did this fancy navigation technique with the buttons, everyone got to the first page, got lost, and never came back - which is a shame. If it was more like the real world, you'd all have got lost and nobody would see you again, and that would be a proverbial good thing.
But then again, you'd be wandering around my webpage, causing havoc, stirring things up like so many html goblims with nothing better to do. So on with the show.
Takes you Home
Look, it's getting obvious now, surely. Hit this button and you go back to the front page. Nothing could be simple. Except perhaps doing your ABC, that's easy. Unless you're dyslexic.
Back to the Nucleus magazine homepage
You've been there, too. Unless someone gave you the url to type straight in which is, let's face it, unlikely.
Nucleus: the Pre-Uni issue
Ah, now this is where things get more interesting. This issue isn't actually online yet, because I can't be arsed to parse all that damn text. I'll write a script or something to deal with it one day... it'll appear overnight some time in the future trust me.
Anyway, this issue came out, oh... in September/October 1996 which is ages ago. It's still quite funny though.
Some of this issue is online, surprisingly. And my tutors ask me why I haven't done so well this year... Oh, shit, they might well be reading this. Well, I'm doing it during the vacation anyway, so it doesn't really matter. And I've bought a book on Thermodynamics, so there.
Nucleus 2000 is the Future issue - and a lot of the jokes won't make any sense now it's on the 'net, because it relied on the ironic nature of the futuristic medium of paper to be funny. Ha ha. Came out April 1997, which is a year ago now.
Online only articles
Christ almighty! Another button you can't press! It's infuriating isn't it? It's like being invited round for tea, and only given biscuits. Terrible.
Gradually this area will fill up with any new stuff I receive or write myself in some moment of passion (curiously, moments of passion are when I get my best ideas, which might explain a few things). The next issue is going to be compirsed of whatever gets left here for a while - in much the same way issues of Nucleus used to be put together from small newsletter type supplements into larger magazines. The issue is provisionally titled 'The taste of sleep'.
This is where you are now
The help page. You're here, now. Gosh.