21:28, Thursday 19 Oct., 2000 Link

I not going to be nasty or rude. Positive only. Fair and square.

• Advantages of umbrellas
  * They keep you dry.
• Advantages of hats
  * They keep you dry.
  * You can't poke someone's eye out with a hat.

And I was explaining this to my friend as we crossed the road and someone with a huge golfing umbrella pushed past and I pointed in indigation. "You don't need an umbrella that big," I shouted after him, "Put it away!"

And the woman a couple of metres in front of me turned round, looked at me, and said "You should have to get a license for those things." And I agreed completely, "Why can't people wear hats?" She was enthusiastic: "People just don't know how to use them." "Those big ones are the worst. There's no need!" I continued as we crossed the road. "They should be banned," she said finally, and we both nodded happily and went our separate ways.